Blog

Don’t Make Me Wrong; Build Me Up Instead.

Our society is addicted to arguing. Polarization in politics is an extreme example.

When someone tells you, “You are wrong!”, how does that make you feel?  Small? Stupid? Incompetent?

When we argue, we are sending a message that tends to convey variations of, “I am right and you are wrong”, or “I am smart and you are stupid”.

Arguments are on a continuum of aggression. When we argue, we press the buttons of the other person, which causes their ego to be triggered into responding in kind and escalating the argument. As the temperature rises, this escalation leads to a collapse of respect and affection and ultimately, the end of the relationship.

Why do we argue? Because some have a deep, and often dysfunctional, need to be right—a product of an immature ego.

I have found that arguing is like fire and the response is like gasoline. The more we argue, the more we add fuel that eventually burns everything.

I have learned (the hard way) that when someone argues with me, I have learned to say, “OK!”, which sucks the gasolene out of the conversation and cools everything, because it leaves no energy for the conflict to be amplified.

So ask yourself, “Why do I need to contradict or argue all the time?”. When you choose to let the arguments just flow by you, your relationships will grow, connections will deepen and the most important people in your life will love you more. Try this: Just refuse to take the bait of an argument.  Just let it go. Your life will be happier, less toxic, and your relationships will grow. Aggressive arguing is the antithesis of love.

Subscribe and receive your free eBook

Get email updates whenever a new article is posted
Loading

Don’t Make Me Wrong; Build Me Up Instead.

Our society is addicted to arguing. Polarization in politics is an extreme example. When someone tells you, “You are wrong!”, how does that make you feel?  Small? Stupid? Incompetent? When we argue, we are sending a message that tends to convey variations of, “I am...

read more
Curing the “Disease of the Soul”

Curing the “Disease of the Soul”

  One of the questions I am often asked these days is, "Why did you write, "Reawakening the Human Spirit?"  The answer is in the title. I wrote the book, because in the collective chaos of the world, our spirits have gone dormant, languishing in a semi-permanent...

read more
A Masterclass for You!

A Masterclass for You!

Please join me for our Reawakening the Human Spirit Foundation Masterclass. We will embark on an exhilarating journey to discover the path to becoming more inspired, living an inspiring life, and being an inspiration for others.

read more
Please join me for a free webinar!

Please join me for a free webinar!

Not long now - starting tomorrow! Please join me for a free webinar - we will uncover the secrets to living an inspired life! Register here: www.secretan.com

read more
Is Leadership Obsolete?

Is Leadership Obsolete?

After a 14-year run as the CEO of Manpower Ltd, I joined a leading university as a full-time professor, teaching an advanced MBA course. As part of my initiation, I was given a set of text books to read and told these were the texts I was required to use for my...

read more
Learners and Knowers

Learners and Knowers

I read recently that legendary basketball star, Michael Jordan, once said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted with the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again...

read more

Let’s Reverse Our “Silencing Culture”

It's surprising how many ways our society has invented to control free speech. There are strong protections for free speech, but they are no match for the endless ways we can all be silenced. For those like me who are professional authors, there are Internet firms who...

read more
My Current Philosophy About the Future of Business

My Current Philosophy About the Future of Business

For over one hundred years, corporate leaders have been working from the same managerial playbook: Relationships with employees are motivated by a desire to provide leadership development, training, and incentives, supported by human resource policies and programs...

read more
A New Playbook For Work

A New Playbook For Work

A recent Deloitte Survey revealed that 73% of managers declared that they should be a model of well-being for their employees, but only 35% of their employees observe that behavior in them. There are names for this: “not walking your talk”, “inauthenticity”, “do what...

read more
Why Are Employees Walking from Corporate Jobs?

Why Are Employees Walking from Corporate Jobs?

Here are two stats that point to one of the main causes of the disaffection currently felt by so many employees - INEQUALITY. From 1979 to 2020, net worker productivity rose 61.8%, but workers’ wages only rose 17.5%. [1] Meanwhile, CEO pay skyrocketed by more than...

read more
A Call for the Return of Trustworthiness!

A Call for the Return of Trustworthiness!

I am working towards (and yearning for) the day when I can regain my trust in companies, government and institutions. Recently, I booked a flight that was advertised for a very attractive price. Then I tried to book my seat—imagine my surprise when I discovered I...

read more
Seeking your support….

Seeking your support….

I’m humbled to announce that I’ve been nominated as a Global Guru in both “Coaching” and “Leadership” categories for the 13th consecutive year. Now, more than ever, the world needs to hear our shared message of inspiration and heart-centered presence with each other....

read more