Have you ever found yourself sending an e-mail to your spouse who was in the same house? Do you e-mail colleagues who are down the hall at work? Have you ever sent an e-mail that seemed straightforward and clear to you, but required several further exchanges before the original intent was understood and complete? Welcome to the patchy world of e-mail.

Somehow, in the age of the Internet, we have drifted into the lazy (and uninspiring) habit of replacing conversation with e-mail. We have substituted tactile relationships that draw their richness from the energy between people, and the “music” as much as the words, with a sterile medium that can be too easily misunderstood. The nuance of a one-to-one relationship, on the phone or in person, is missing in e-mail. In a recent Business Week article, “Justin Kruger, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, has found that as few as 50% of users grasp the tone or intent of an e-mail and that most people vastly overestimate their ability to relay and comprehend messages accurately. Smiley faces and exclamation points just add another layer of confusion. Misinterpretation is highest, Syracuse University professor Kristin Byron has discovered, when the e-mail comes from a boss.”

We often think that e-mail is more productive and efficient but it often isn’t. It can be less inspiring than a phone call or a personal discussion because of its one-way nature. Dialogue seeks understanding – critical to building relationships and getting things done. Good dialogue includes empathy – frequently missing in e-mails. Additionally, most companies monitor e-mail, so any sense of confidentiality is a thing of the past and e-mailers need to remember that what they put in writing may be used by lawyers in future litigation. E-mail is addictive. We rely on it increasingly every day – like any addiction – and use it as a substitute for other, more effective, forms of communication.