My wife and I have been noticing a growing decline in civility – not so much in the big things (although in that too), but in the little things – like opening doors or holding them open for others, giving up seats to seniors, helping people into cars, saying thank you or sorry, inviting others to go first, listening empathetically to the opinions of others, not interrupting, and so on. The little deteriorations in the elegance and grace of personal behavior lead to larger lapses – and ultimately to violence. It’s simply one continuum: at one end we are disrespectful and uncaring to people and the planet and at the other we hold both in deep respect and sacredness.
Voted Canada’s Parliamentarian of the Year, Bill Blaikie says, “Parliament has been ugly before, but people have never been so consistently rude to each other as they are now”. In contrast, in the run-up to the U.S. elections, the two winners of the Iowa Primary, Senator Barak Obama and former governor Mike Huckabee shared a characteristic in their campaign strategy: they intentionally avoided slandering or insulting their opponents.
Rushworth Kidder is one of the leading lights when it comes to thinking about ethics and civility. He leads the Institute for Global Ethics. Recently he wrote about his wish list for the new year – Civility, Vigilance and Fairness. Here is his New Year’s wish for 2008 for Civility:
Civility. This coming year will require a willingness to outgrow the shallow notion of ethics as right-versus-wrong and replace it with a thoughtful clarity about right versus right. During his confirmation hearings, U.S. attorney general Michael Mukasey quoted Supreme Court justice Robert H. Jackson, who wrote that ìthe issue between à a right and a wrong à never presents a dilemma,î but that ìthe dilemma is because the conflict is between two rights, each in its own way important.î The challenge to ethics in public and corporate life is to replace a rule-bound, compliance-based, right-versus-wrong way of thinking with a values-based, right-versus-right reasoning. Resolution: I wonÃt resort to a rule when a value will make the point. And I will refuse to reduce the great debates of our day to the polarizing, IÃm-right-and-youÃre-wrong language of talk radio and blogosphere rant.
What is your experience and hope for the subject of Civility? I welcome your comments.
What is fairness and how can you be?
My understanding is as follows:
Equity or behaving fairly means first being able to weigh who is right and wrong on any one subject without imposing. Following this, it is a win-win distribution of any asset acquired (i.e. food, products, profits, fame, love, respect , etc) by both sides who have spent same measurable effort to achieve one common final smart goal.
To be fair, one should better be;
Ethic
Knowledged
Very good observer
Effective listener (interactive)
Loving and caring
Restpectful to the living world
Dear Lance:
Thanks you for the opportunity to think about civility.
I can’t say that I’ve noticed a trend, because that’s not my frame of mind.
I know that I am civil because I like the way it makes me feel.
When I see someone who is not being civil, I am concerned for their well-being.
CMC
Dear Lance
Good to hear from you. Sadly we have similar problems here too in UK! I recently traveled by train and it was full but no one seemed keen to give up a seat for Di who has a bad hip and uses a stick including one lady keeping a seat for a baby (too small/young to use the seat) and sitting on her lap (the seat was reserved for the babyÃs bags!) Another bouncing a young child was keeping the seat for the child despite the obvious need for Di who is 60+.
We too have an Institute of Business Ethics established about 25 years ago by the Christian Association of Business Executives and now with patronage of all the great faith leaders see http://www.ibe.org.uk . The APM Group which I chair is a member of IBE and has an Ethics and Standards Board of its own separate to its main board. We also have an ethics policy that applies to all who work for us or with us. http://www.apmgroup.co.uk
You may also care to visit https://www.campaignforcourtesy.org/ formerly The Polite Society and recently re-named the Campaign for Courtesy. If you type ëThe Polite Societyà in Google it brings up a number of interesting links.
We wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas
Love
Alan & Di
I used to be a civil engineer until I learned to be impolite!
Now I am a project manager!
See http://www.apmgroup.co.uk
For a discussion and a book on Civilty!
Check out:
https://www.speedoflaughterproject.com
https://www.amazon.com/Return-Civility-Speed-Laughter-Project/dp/0976218429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196345212&sr=1-1
I have not visited Secretan.Com for sometime and I can see that I have missed alot.
On the issue of civility, like the US, Canada and the UK, Australia also suffers from the same problem. As a police officer using public transport (uniform covered with jacket) I have no problem in telling people to remove their feet, bags etc to let people sit down. Sadly the general community just put up with it.
In relation to giving up seats, I used to suggest to teenagers that they should give up their seat to someone less able to stand because the laws governing public transport had a provision for such. Too my amazement, the law was repealed and I can no longer do it. Luckily a little bluff sometimes still works.
John