I have noticed that in our fractured world today, many more people seem to be complaining—about the weather, politics, relationships, work, health, inflation, aging, and everything else people feel miserable about.

Why do people complain? Emotional release? Social bonding? A sense of frustration and powerlessness? Being a victim and needing validation? All of the above?

But here’s the thing.

1. Complaining doesn’t actually solve anything. The thing being complained about does not get better. There is little value, efficacy or upside to complaining.
2. It is uninspiring for those who have to listen to the complaining. It does not make the other person listening to (or more likely, enduring) the rant feel inspired—it actually achieves the opposite.
3. Others will unconsciously avoid complainers because they drag us down.

So what can we do?

1. Become more aware of the frequency with which you complain.
2. Become more aware of the negative impact complaining has on others.
3. Watch your language–emotionally charged, expletive-laden invective, is annoying to others and depresses their mood. I get that you are upset, but anger and venting frustration, especially if it is violent, messes with the biochemistry and well-being of others.
4. Are you part of the problem, or the solution? Think about how you might contribute to a solution instead of complaining about the problem.
5. Most important, shift your focus from your own emotional needs and, instead, focus on how what you are about to say could be reframed in a way that uplifts the other person. Remember Robert Greenleaf’s famous quote, “Will what I am about to say improve on the silence?”

Try this. Spend the next 24 hours with a heightened awareness of when you complain, and pause just before doing so, and then address the issue in a positive, not negative/complaining way. You friends, family and work colleagues will love the new you!