Our society is addicted to arguing. Polarization in politics is an extreme example.

When someone tells you, “You are wrong!”, how does that make you feel?  Small? Stupid? Incompetent?

When we argue, we are sending a message that tends to convey variations of, “I am right and you are wrong”, or “I am smart and you are stupid”.

Arguments are on a continuum of aggression. When we argue, we press the buttons of the other person, which causes their ego to be triggered into responding in kind and escalating the argument. As the temperature rises, this escalation leads to a collapse of respect and affection and ultimately, the end of the relationship.

Why do we argue? Because some have a deep, and often dysfunctional, need to be right—a product of an immature ego.

I have found that arguing is like fire and the response is like gasoline. The more we argue, the more we add fuel that eventually burns everything.

I have learned (the hard way) that when someone argues with me, I have learned to say, “OK!”, which sucks the gasolene out of the conversation and cools everything, because it leaves no energy for the conflict to be amplified.

So ask yourself, “Why do I need to contradict or argue all the time?”. When you choose to let the arguments just flow by you, your relationships will grow, connections will deepen and the most important people in your life will love you more. Try this: Just refuse to take the bait of an argument.  Just let it go. Your life will be happier, less toxic, and your relationships will grow. Aggressive arguing is the antithesis of love.